So… I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately, which is strange, because I very rarely remember my dreams. But for the past few nights I can remember them almost perfectly.
Friday night I dreamed that (brace yourself; this is kind of ridiculous!) I had somehow driven a truck into someone’s house. It was a middle-aged couple, and I don’t remember what they looked like, but I know I have never seen them before in my life. They were rather upset with me, and when I say “drove a truck into their house”… I don’t mean THROUGH it… I mean actually IN it. Somehow, the truck was in a room upstairs without any external damage to the home. WTF?! Well, anyway, we were all standing downstairs in their kitchen and we could see the shape of the truck coming through the ceiling. That is when I announced, “Don’t worry! I can fix this! You see, guys, this is just a dream. All I have to do is wake up and everything will be fine.” Then, in my dream, I actually tried to wake myself up, but I couldn’t. THIS is BY FAR the strangest experience I’ve ever had in a dream. I knew what was happening wasn’t real, but I could wake up. That feeling of being trapped was mortifying.
And now for a dream I had this afternoon while taking a nap after church… a much touchier subject for me. Adam. My ex-boyfriend. This is the first time I can remember him being in a dream of mine since we broke up back in November. It was terrible. I remember getting in a car and driving for what felt like a pretty long distance. I ended up at what I somehow know was a playhouse, or an auditorium-like kind of building. I walked in and tons of people from school were there. I mostly remember one of my best friends Ashlee, who was saving me a seat and motioning me to come up to where she was. I sat down beside her and a couple rows back was my current sort of “crush”, who Ashlee has actually dreamed that I am going to marry… yeah… so, he was sitting behind us with a couple of his friends. That wasn’t the significant part of the dream, though. After that, it shifted, and I was back in my hometown. It was dark and I somehow picked up that it was late at night, like maybe around 12. I was home… except my house looked different… and somehow Adam showed up. We were talking and running around doing random things that I can’t recall, and then he asked me if I still had feelings for him. I didn’t answer him directly, but told him that I guessed our relationship was worth a second chance. Then he kissed me. Before I knew it, the dream shifted back to that auditorium place. Ashlee was the only person I recognized now, even though there were still people in the room. Before I could even say anything, she looked at me and asked, “Where have you been? What happened? Is it Adam?” My reply was, “Yes, but that’s not what I want anymore.” It was odd, because when he kissed me I felt like everything was perfect, and then as soon as I was back in the auditorium I regretted it.
My only possible explanation for this, based on my actual feelings about the whole Adam situation, is that before we broke up (and even for a few weeks afterwards), I had this slight hope that everything would fix itself and we would be great again, like a fresh start. But after about two weeks after we broke up, I realized just how quickly I had mended and was even developing feelings for someone else. I think that’s why I went back to the auditorium in the end, because that is where my “crush” had been before I ran back to Adam. I think this whole thing means that I shouldn’t go back to Adam (even if I wanted to), because I have better things ahead of me and I would regret it.
Disclaimer: I don’t really expect anyone to read this. You probably don’t care or it probably bores you. I mostly just wrote this to get my thoughts organized in my head, and I feel much, much, much better!
